If you love fashion, but tire of expecting the same trends to come around come the summer month (ethnic prints for festival season anyone?) read on for some quirky alternatives to well known sartorial sunny staples...
When you are on holiday, giving away that you are in fact a BRITISH TOURIST <insert 'oi oi!' noises here> may not endear you to the local population, given our love of day-glo cocktails and our equally strong reluctance to 'call it a night' when we really ought to. It is in this spirit of casual xenophobia that I present to you a seasonal style guide to nationality-camouflage.
BRIT PICK - RUFFLES EVERYWHERE
For some reason in summer we seem to rediscover our femininity... then strangle it until all that is left of it is pastel coloured ruffles and a cluch back that looks borderline diseased.
BEAT THE BRIT PICK - SLOUCHY & COOL
Slouchy can be just as feminine as frilly, but without the 'looking like a corsage' factor. So embrace the loose look and be tranquille quoi!
BRIT PICK - SHINY BRONZER
Girls like to think that if they slather themselves in what can only be described as the drag equivalent of Nutella, their shining majesty will attract men who are looking for CLASSY BIRDS who have clearly spent all the winter months on holiday. Except for the fact that they have been in Liverpool steadily trying their luck at melanoma for the winter months.
BEAT THE BRIT PICK - STAY PASTY
Just stay pale, or at least use a fake tan than forsakes shimmer for a more natural looking shade of brown. If you aren'r convinced by these beautiful women, then nothing can!
BRIT PICK - DRESSING UP LIKE YOU'RE ON TOWIE FOR THE BEACH
Beach is not a codeword for secret & sinister sandy catwalk where everyone judges you because your mascara is flaking off in the sun. Frankly it's nothing but pomposity to assume that people are looking and judging you with the amount of 70 year old leathery men wearing speedos about.
BEAT THE BRIT PICK - NATURAL
Just go make-up less and leave the heels at home. No matter what you are wearing you're only going to end up running into the sea nude at 3am drunk anyway.
Let us know how you plan on BREATING THE BRIT PICK this summer!