Even MORE Fashion Trends Males Don't Understand

28 August 2015

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1. Normcore

We are men, we lead our lives in normcore, afraid of trespassing into any territory that may be considered 'edgy' for fear of having our sexuality questioned (gasp!). Normcore is not a trend, it is the heterosexual Average British Male's aesthetic and lifestyle. Jack Wills hoodies and ill-fitting jeans 4 life!

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2. Culottes

So essentially big flared shorts? So essentially... the sort of jeans that we liked to wear in the early noughties and that rare breed of Electronic Dance Ravers (you know, the sort who still wear furry legwarmers and fingerless fishnet gloves) still do... Just cropped. OK. We're not fans, but I suppose some of them do look like skirts, but they do eliminate the possibility of a Marilyn Monroe moment (disappointing).

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3. Bindis for Festivals

Without even going into the debates of cultural appropriation, why do you want little sparkly stickers clinging onto your face when you're getting grimy and sweaty at what is, basically, a 20,000 person strong gig? 

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4. Body art for Festivals

Silver leaf arm band temporary tattoos? You lost us at bindis, mate.

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5. In fact, anything for Festivals

Why do females, when faced with the prospect of moshing in a muddy field, opt for intricate, trinket-y fashions that scream 'impractical.' You could really make do with a sturdy pair of wellies and some overalls that 'you can afford to ruin' but you opt, like an extravagant but eccentric aristocrat, for the visually impressive but utterly useless combination of layers of jewellery and carefully placed floral headgear.