What Comes After Health Goth?

1 April 2015

In this post-EVERYTHING world, fashion lovers are struggling to come to terms with increasingly abstract names for trends and phashion-phenomena. What can possibly come after the embarassingly prescriptive movement that was health goth? Are we slowly moving towards a point of complete and utter fashion vocab collapse, where we will never have to hear about 'casual cool' or 'summer chic' ever again? Louisa hypothesizes over the (decidedly dystopian) future of fashion trend reporting.

Baby Food Coloured Babe with Blobfish Hats as seen at Creatures of Comfort

If you're going to don a colour palette that looks suspiciously like the comforting mush fed to shrieking babies, it only makes sense to model your head-wear on a bulbasaur.

Exhibitionist Office Worker as seen at ACNE Studios

Forget female empowerment in the workplace, tuxedos are now only worthy of the high fashion tag if there's nipple or navel showing. Also included in this collection are clothes inexplicably printed with what looks like an arrangement of vegetables. I highly recommend spending a couple of hours attempting to decipher it.

Woven Wicker Wicked Witches as seen at Alberta Ferretti

Because sometimes a girl just wants to look like a tarty raffia chair rescued from your dad's attic ('Look, a true 60s classic! They don't even make these anymore!') The ethereal floaty lengths add an element of Salem to an otherwise sickly sweet collection.

Saccharine M.I.A Wannabes at Manish Arora

If M.I.A had a personality transplant and suddenly was all baby showers and love heart sweets, she would be wearing Arora's spring collection for her next music video. Think Tumblr-girl who went to Shibuya once and stops to smell flowers and giggle on her way to the bubble-tea bar.

If you have any ridiculous and rigorously specific trends you would like to suggest, please leave a comment below.